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Guides to Aging Well

The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

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By Robert Waldinger, MD, and Marc Schulz, PhD – Simon and Schuster, 2023

We live in an age of hyper-connectedness, and yet people are dying of loneliness. It is more important than ever to cultivate solid and positive relationships—family, friends, romantic partners and even casual connections, at every stage of our lives. Feeling like your life makes a difference to another person provides motivation and resilience for the tough times we all experience. 

The authors draw on the ongoing Harvard Study of Adult Development. Initiated 85 years ago, it is the longest-running study of its kind. The Good Life features compelling personal stories of study participants, shedding light on their experiences and how their lives unfolded. The simple but not always easy takeaway is that positive relationships keep us happier and healthier and help us live longer. While the book is grounded in the Harvard study, it also incorporates insights from other research, as well as the authors’ own experiences, to create a comprehensive and practical approach to finding happiness and creating a fulfilling life.

Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity

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By Peter Attia, MD, with Bill Gifford — Harmony, 2023

Did you ever wish for an owner’s manual for a long and healthy life? Outlive delves into the latest scientific research on longevity and provides practical strategies for implementing those findings in your life. Attia identifies what he calls “four pillars of longevity”: exercise, nutrition, sleep and emotional well-being. He also discusses “the four horsemen,” the major chronic conditions that threaten longevity: cardiovascular disease, cancer, cognitive decline and diabetes. We learn that between the ages of 50 and 60, our bodies start to reveal the repercussions of our lifestyle choices, making this the decade to adopt healthy habits if we haven’t already done so. Outlive also offers a companion workbook to help put new goals into action, so we can increase our chances of living a long, healthy, fulfilling life.

 

Long Live the Queen: 23 Rules for Living from Britain’s Longest-Reigning Monarch

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By Bryan Kozlowski – Turner, 2020

Imagine you’ve just seen Queen Elizabeth on television. At 95, she is the oldest reigning monarch in the world. Ever. You might be asking yourself, what’s her secret, and how can we “commoners” replicate her lifestyle choices to enjoy a longer, more meaningful life? This well-researched biography zeroes in on just what Her Majesty does to maintain her vigor and agelessness. For instance, she thrives on routine (finds it’s critical for her concentration and focus), eats simply and enjoys her cocktails in moderation (a glass of champagne before bed). She doesn’t exercise per se but is never idle. The queen recharges outdoors, walking daily, often in the company of her beloved corgis, always protected from the sun. That care shows, as her appearance hasn’t changed much over the years; she has a simple skin-care regime and wears little makeup. Her skin glows more as a reflection of how she lives than from any bottled secret she could be hiding (soap never touches her face). The Queen enjoys reading, stays current on world and national affairs and lives a life of purpose. The rest of us may not live a royal lifestyle, but we can follow her example to embrace a more fruitful, rewarding life. Long live the Queen!

Keep on Moving! An Old Fellow’s Journey into the World of Rollators, Mobile Scooters, Recumbent Trikes, Adult Trikes and Electric Bikes

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By Allen B. Ballard – Christopher Matthews Publishing, 2018

Not everyone will remain able to navigate the world, or even their own homes, unassisted, as the years go by. When the time comes to rethink how to get around, the options can be overwhelming, and the vocabulary may seem foreign. Recumbent? Semi-recumbent? Tadpole trike? This book is an excellent resource. College professor Allen Ballard, 85, began his journey to assistive technologies with a cane after years of running and minor surgeries took their toll on his knees and hips. From there, he gravitated to a rollator walker. He shares what he learned about the pros and cons of different models and features, then goes on to discuss the ever-evolving choices in scooters, adult tricycles and electric bikes. Despite offering enough detail to engage an engineer, this research is never too technical for the rest of us. It’s essentially an upbeat, beginner’s guide to the choices available for anyone who wants to stay active and get places despite physical limitations. Ballard even makes the cycles sound so fun, you may not want to wait until you actually need one to buy it. 

 

Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing as We Age

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By Mary Pipher – Bloomsbury Publishing, 2019

Mary Pipher is a cultural anthropologist and clinical psychologist whose academic focus has been developmental psychology and trauma. She lectures and writes about cultural and social themes around women, drawing on her roles as a mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, wife and caregiver. Her bestseller Reviving Ophelia (1994) focused on the complex lives of teenage girls. Women Rowing North takes on older women, with a focus on those 70 and older.

Pipher leaves few stones unturned as she helps readers navigate upstream in the “river” of aging to a place of authenticity and self-acceptance. She’s gentle but candid: adapt or fossilize. If it’s bliss you’re after, there’s work to do. She looks at ageism all around us but also from within. Weaving individual stories of four women throughout the book, she writes about managing grief and loneliness, while illustrating the ways adversity has made us able to take the hard knocks. Pipher encourages us to really get to know ourselves, to express anger when appropriate and to say no when it’s in our best interests—and not feel guilty about it. The bottom line is that women need to cultivate resilience to flourish in later life. This book embraces the journey in a way that is truly inspiring. 

Keep It Moving: Lessons for the Rest of Your Life

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By Twyla Tharp – Simon & Schuster, 2019

Twyla Tharp, lifelong dancer and choreographer, acknowledges there is decline with age, but at 79 she is committed to moving through life with energy and vigor. For her, that is rooted in eating well and an exercise routine that would exhaust someone in their 20s. Tharp feels we’ve become lazy, that we chase youth and perfection when we could be focused on the benefit gained from adding movement to our lives, regardless of our age. In Keep It Moving, Tharp encourages all of us, at every level of fitness, to move. She offers absolution for negligence to those who get back up, tips for building stamina and positive self-talk to help us stick to our goals. She shares her own struggles and setbacks after major hip surgery, admitting she remained inside and stationary too long because she was ashamed of her cane. Having regained her own confidence, she now strives to help us achieve ours, so we can remain vital and reap the benefits.

 

Elderhood: Redefining Aging, Transforming Medicine, Reimagining Life

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By Louise Aronson – Bloomsbury Publishing, 2019

Many of us are going to spend upward of 40 years in what this society considers “old age.” In Elderhood, Louise Aronson suggests a new way of looking at that time. A Harvard-trained physician, acclaimed author and, importantly, daughter of an exceptional ager, Aronson uses personal anecdotes with experiences from 25 years working in the field of aging. Elderhood is not a “how-to” book; rather, it illuminates why aging must be understood and redefined, and why the medical establishment’s usual goals of saving and extending lives is ill advised for many older patients. Aronson applauds the innovators who put elders’ care and needs into their designs—like emergency rooms outfitted for older adults—but calls out the marginalization and mistreatment of older people by medical professionals who simply aren’t trained to see them as individuals. 

While never glossing over the decline that comes with elderhood, Aronson makes a strong case that happiness in later life comes from feeling a sense of purpose and from being connected to something outside ourselves. She also examines the ways an ageist society’s depersonalized treatment of older adults puts forth stereotypes. The book reads like a call to action for us to heed if we want to grow older in a society that sees and values the old, older and oldest among us. All stakeholders will need to buy into Aronson’s prescription for a better later life, which can only happen by educating professionals to the unique needs of elders and by accepting that aging itself is not a disease to be treated.

Aging Thoughtfully: Conversations about Retirement, Romance, Wrinkles, and Regret

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By Martha C. Nussbaum and Saul Levmore – Oxford University Press, 2017

Imagine you’re eavesdropping on a man and a woman who are discussing the good, bad, ugly, and hopeful facets of growing older. Both are University of Chicago Law School professors. Levmore, age 64, is a pragmatic lawyer-economist and Nussbaum, 70, is a philosopher. This provocative book offers their often-opposing dialogues on later-life issues, including sex appeal, altruism, grown children, and discrimination. Compulsory retirement? Discriminatory! says Nussbaum emphatically. No more so than assigning an age at which one can vote or drive, suggests Levmore. While Levmore ponders on the older man taking a younger wife to feel relevant, Nussbaum believes that an older woman rejects the younger man for making her appear older by contrast. And so on.

The collegial back-and-forth is enlightening, and you will likely find yourself agreeing one minute and disagreeing the next. While they may be far apart at times philosophically, the authors share a belief that we can’t sweep issues under the rug if we want to live confidently as we age. These eight essays represent keen observations of this stage of life, influenced by thought leaders of our time.

The RBG Workout: How She Stays Strong … and You Can Too!

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By Bryant Johnson – Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2017

This terrific little book packs a punch, or at least a kick or two. Personal trainer Bryant Johnson shares the exercise routine he developed for US Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Complete with illustrations and tips, the book takes us through the workout, with bonus anecdotes about the pair’s long friendship. (Ginsburg calls Bryant the most important man in her life.) The workout is indeed challenging. Planks! Medicine balls! But it’s also designed so you can do it at home with minimal gear. So instead of being intimidated, let this inspire you. After all, 85-year-old Ginsburg has been doing this for a long time, and she’s on top of her game—in the gym and on the bench.

AARP Guide to Revitalizing Your Home: Beautiful Living for the Second Half of Life

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By Rosemary Bakker – Lark, 2010

With enticing color photos on every page, this book is a thorough guide to making a home a safe, comfortable place to live, either for yourself as you grow older or if you are caring for an aging loved one. Experienced in gerontology and interior design, Bakker starts with a checklist for assessing your home inside and out. She then discusses rooms and features in detail, including stairways, flooring and lighting. There are excellent ideas for every budget, from redesigning an entire kitchen to highlighting the edges of steps for better visibility. Dozens of sidebars give tips about safety, energy efficiency and promoting health and longevity. Not every home is suitable for a makeover, particularly if it has cramped rooms or too many stairs, or if the community lacks public transportation or adequate medical services. If you need to move, this book can help you evaluate your options. Browse, plan—then take practical action.

When the Time Comes: Families with Aging Parents Share Their Struggles and Solutions

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By Paula Span – Springboard Press, 2009 

When older people develop health problems that make it risky to live alone, families have a number of options. Journalist Paula Span, who writes the “New Old Age” blog for the New York Times, explores five possibilities. She lays out the pros and cons of staying put with help from relatives or aides; moving in with adult children; moving to an assisted living facility; entering a nursing home; and getting hospice care.Span interviews families who chose each option and follows their progress as the older generation adjusts—successfully or not—to new circumstances. She provides thoughtful advice, points out common pitfalls and explains in detail what the different choices cost. Anyone who is, or may become, a caregiver will find a wealth of information and comfort here.

The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who’ve Lived the Longest

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By Dan Buettner – National Geographic, 2008 

How do some people manage to live so long? Explorer and journalist Dan Buettner looked for answers to this question by identifying blue zones, regions with high concentrations of very old people, and analyzing lifestyles in four of them: a mountainous area of Sardinia; rural villages in Costa Rica; the tiny islands of Okinawa; and Loma Linda, California, home to 9,000 Seventh-day Adventists. Buettner brings these places and people to life, interweaving profiles of the very old and interviews with experts on aging. In the final chapter, he presents nine longevity lessons. Among other things, he recommends eating less meat, incorporating more physical activity into your life (walk, don’t drive) and having a strong sense of purpose. If you follow his suggestions, there’s no guarantee you’ll live to 100, but he argues convincingly that you can add at least 10 healthy years to your life.

The Driving Dilemma: The Complete Resource Guide for Older Drivers and Their Families

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By Elizabeth Dugan, PhD – Collins, 2006 

Here’s the dilemma: most Americans outlive their ability to drive safely by seven to 10 years. Because driving means independence, older people often resist when their adult children suggest they’re at risk behind the wheel. Elizabeth Dugan, PhD, a researcher on geriatric issues at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, has written a practical and compassionate guide for both generations. She describes warning signs that driving ability is deteriorating, and medical disorders and medications that can create problems. Addressing concerned family members, she explains a counseling technique called motivational interviewing and includes scripts that illustrate how to approach the subject of giving up the car keys in a nonconfrontational way. Useful appendixes offer detailed information on where to find help with the driving dilemma, both from national organizations and in each state.

Jane Brody’s Guide to the Great Beyond: A Practical Primer to Help You and Your Loved Ones Prepare Medically, Legally, and Emotionally for the End of Life

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By Jane Brody – Random House, 2009 

No matter what your age or health, this book by New York Times columnist Jane Brody is for you. With her frank, thorough approach to a subject we usually avoid, Brody helps us prepare for our own and our loved ones’ deaths. As she points out, planning for the end of life is a gift to your future self—and to your family—because it gives you more control over how you will die, and it spares them the anguish of not knowing what you would have wanted. This book offers practical insight on a wide range of topics: what kind of living will is least likely to be misinterpreted by doctors, how to avoid burnout when caring for someone seriously ill, stages and types of grief, what to say—and not to say—to a dying loved one or a bereaved friend, why some doctors abandon terminally ill patients. It also explores myths about organ donation. Humorous cartoons help lighten a serious topic.

30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans

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By Karl Pillemer, PhD – Hudson Street Press, 2011 

Are there choices to be made today to enrich our later years? What are the keys to a rewarding second half of life? The author asks these questions and more, not of social workers or academics, but of the real experts—those who have lived to 65 and beyond. Inspired by an encounter with an extraordinary 90-year-old, Pillemer, a Cornell University gerontologist, invested five years interviewing more than 1,000 Americans age 65 and over and lays out a blueprint for a fulfilling life. What sets this book apart from other self-help books is the poignant stories of successes and regrets of our older citizens. These are not biographies but rather the lessons they have learned and wish to share with those of us who follow, on topics such as getting and staying married, choosing a career, parenting, and living with and without regrets. If you are ready to grow older fearlessly, this book is for you.

Learning to Be Old: Gender, Culture, and Aging

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By Margaret Cruikshank – Rowman and Littlefield, 2002 

In this feminist take on aging, Margaret Cruikshank maintains that our later years are shaped largely by our culture, and not for the better. She challenges stereotypes of old age and suggests that if women—and men—want to age comfortably, they must reject the common assumption that to be old is to be decrepit. The book argues against over-medicating elders and rebuts “alarmist” notions that, as their numbers grow, older people will be a drain on the economy and a threat to younger generations. Cruikshank also explores the process of aging as women of color experience it. She interweaves advice for readers throughout these larger societal issues. Cruikshank is a lecturer in women’s studies and a faculty associate of the Center on Aging at the University of Maine.

Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone

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By Eric Klinenberg – Penguin Press, 2012 

More than 32 million adults are living alone. That’s 28 percent of Americans, up from 10 percent in 1950. This remarkable societal shift is having far-reaching consequences, writes Eric Klinenberg, and so far, it’s a mixed bag of success stories and concerns. Some people are deliberately solo, choosing not to commit to domestic partnership for reasons that range from career focus to disinterest in marriage. Others are living alone, wishing they were not. Either way, Klinenberg explains, singles are not independent of community and need others for companionship and support, especially as they age. He discusses the roles of social media, increased longevity and urbanization in this trend, paying particular attention to the effects on women and older adults. This book offers insight into why people choose to live by themselves, what they do to make it work and how we may have to reinvent society to make sure that singles are not actually left alone.

Life Gets Better: The Unexpected Pleasures of Growing Older

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By Wendy Lustbader – Penguin Group, 2011 

Are you afraid to grow old, dreading senior moments and lost independence? Is it folly to expect any pleasure in aging? In this positive book, social worker and geriatrics expert Wendy Lustbader reveals what she’s learned by working with older people: there is indeed plenty to look forward to in our later years.Whether you are looking ahead for yourself or searching for insight on older loved ones, Life Gets Better offers illuminating stories from those in midlife and beyond. The keys to happiness, shares Lustbader, are choosing battles wisely, forgiveness and gratitude. She tells us there is self-satisfaction from surviving life’s trials; the pleasure comes in knowing what really matters. Lustbader doesn’t imply that the best is yet to come. She proposes that the worst may be behind us.

Counterclockwise: Mindful Health and the Power of Possibility

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By Ellen J. Langer – Ballantine, 2009 

Harvard psychology professor Ellen J. Langer firmly believes that “It is not primarily our physical selves that limit us but rather our mindset…” In Counterclockwise, a book more about theory than practice, she summarizes a multitude of studies, including her own, that demonstrate how our thoughts affect our bodies and that many of our ideas are damaging. Langer is especially interested in mindsets that assume aging is a long descent into illness. We’re victims of self-fulfilling prophecies, she suggests. We expect our eyesight and hearing to falter in later years, and so they do. She also explores the potential in placebos and the fact that sometimes when we’re ill, we get better mostly because we expect to. Overall, Counterclockwise is about the psychology of possibility and the power of thinking positively. Want to explore a new way to look at aging? Check out this book.

Grandmothering: Real Life in Real Families

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By Becky Sarah – Whittier Street Press, 2013 

You’d think that becoming a beloved grandmother would evolve so naturally that a handbook would be unnecessary. Today’s households, however, aren’t all Rockwell-esque, and grandmothers must figure out how to bond with their grandkids in these quickly changing times. With warmth and significant research, Grandmothering covers every possible grandparent situation you could think of—and many you’ve never considered. Grandmothers may want to know how to accept adult children’s lifestyles and parenting choices, navigate cultural and generational issues and keep in touch with media-savvy, long-distance grandkids. The book calls upon real-life situations to teach today’s grandmother how to be emotionally available, to offer the right kind of help and to get her own needs met along the way.

How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick

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By Letty Cottin Pogrebin – Public Affairs, 2013 

Author, activist and cancer survivor Letty Cottin Pogrebin writes a sympathetic and insightful how-to book for people who are lost when it comes to helping a friend who is sick. Pogrebin uses anecdotes from her own recovery plus the experiences of those she polled in doctors’ offices while awaiting treatment. You’ll find simple ideas that can make you a better visitor, listener and friend, like letting the patient take the lead on how much information to share, and knowing how long to stay. She also includes thoughtful ways to support caregivers and those who are grieving. Learning what not to say can be an eye opener. This is a comfort manual that may change how you treat a friend on the mend.

365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life

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By John Kralik – Hyperion, 2010 

Can two simple words change a person? At age 53, attorney John Kralik is in despair. His family life is in turmoil, his career and finances in ruin. Yet it is a simple thank you note that sparks him to think about the things in life for which he might be grateful. Kralik decides to set aside a little time each day to consider the people who have made a difference in his life and to send them a heartfelt, handwritten thank you. He writes to virtually everyone he can think of—friends current and former, professional acquaintances, shop clerks, doctors. The results are immediate and far reaching. His outlook on life changes. He becomes solvent, repairs relationships, even loses weight. Sentimental but never preachy, this story of midlife revelation and redemption is inspiring to anyone who may be stuck in what has been lost or taken from them. 365 Thank Yous is a quick, easy read that surely will send you looking for a pen and stamps.

Knocking on Heaven’s Door: The Path to a Better Way of Death

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By Katy Butler – Scribner, 2013

In this honest mix of memoir and research, Katy Butler shares her family’s experience of illness and death in hopes that we can reclaim caregiving and dying from a broken health system. Butler’s father, Jeffrey, a World War II survivor and academic, suffers a massive stroke, followed by a pacemaker implantation—a hasty decision that will haunt the family for five years as his descent into dementia takes a devastating toll on Butler’s mother’s health. Butler lives across the country and finds herself part of the “roll-aboard generation” of adult children who spend years caregiving via plane and phone. When doctors deny her request to turn off the pacemaker, Butler struggles to navigate a health system designed around reimbursement and life-saving measures rather than quality of life and patient-centered care. An instruction manual for creating a good death, Heaven’s Door deserves serious attention not only from each of us but the entire US medical community.

65 Things to Do When You Retire

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By Mark Evan Chimsky – Sellers Publishing, Inc., 2012

If there is a milestone birthday on your calendar or if you’re shopping for a gift for a retirement party, this book could be the perfect find. Noted by the Wall Street Journal as one of its picks for best guides to later life, 65 Things is inspirational, funny and wise. Jimmy Carter and Gloria Steinem are arguably the most well known essayists featured here, but many of the others are professionals in the arena of post-career life. What should you do with free time and vitality to spare? Among the topics covered are risk taking, volunteering, bucket lists and expectations for retirement. Even if you are far from your last day on the job, you’ll find food for thought here. There’s a bonus too—all royalties benefit cancer research.

Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake

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By Anna Quindlen – Random House, 2012 

This Pulitzer Prize-winning author and journalist has a knack for telling her life story as though she is talking to an old friend in this memoir on turning 60. Whether looking to the future or glancing back, Quindlen writes with humor, comfort and hope about motherhood (the challenges of raising teens versus raising children), overcoming loss (her mom died when Quindlen was 19) and marriage (and the white lies that save hers). With typical candor, she writes about her gratitude for the opportunities she’s had, thanks in part to the women’s movement, the changing role religion played in her life, and her thoughts on aging and retirement. The appeal to midlife women is great, but there is a universality to her ruminations that gives her writing a mirror-like quality to women of any age. Best read as stand-alone essays to give the messages time to resonate, Anna Quindlen is better than therapy.

The Late Starters Orchestra

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By Ari L. Goldman – Algonquin Books, 2014

As a boy, best-selling author Ari Goldman made memories by singing at synagogue with his father. But in high school and university, Goldman put his energy into writing, not music. He got a low-level newspaper job and worked his way up. At 26, missing the joy music had brought to his life, he found a teacher who promised that learning to play the cello would “bring back his voice.” Goldman did not stick with it then, but in his late 50s set a goal that he would play the cello at his 60th birthday party. He accomplished this feat in part due to the Late Starters Orchestra (LSO), where adults of every description gather weekly in an old New York City coat factory with musical instruments, all committed to learning to play later in life. From the LSO and Goldman, we learn that taking up a challenge even when you’re older can be incredibly rewarding. This is a story of perseverance and hope for all readers, no matter your age.

With a Little Help from Our Friends: Creating Community as We Grow Older

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By Beth Baker – Vanderbilt University Press, 2014 

Will your current home be the right place for you to live out your days? If you’re thinking of relocating—or helping someone else to do so—and hope to find the best living arrangements for aging well, look no further than this book. You may be surprised at the unique ways people are thinking about “community” today. Baker explores the cultural shift that offers older people many models beyond residential care: cohousing, aging in place, living among people with shared interests, to name but a few. She thoughtfully explains the positives and the shortcomings and includes anecdotes from people who’ve chosen each lifestyle. Baker even includes questions to ask before signing contracts, suggestions on how to pay and, if needed, guidance for finding supplemental care. This is a well-researched and illuminating peek into what’s just around the bend for both individual and community.