The end of June brought the 102nd birthday of a client-turned-friend who’s been in my life for about five years. I met Veronica through an accountant who hired me to work with some of his older clients, for whom he has power of attorney. This designation allows me to communicate with family about Veronica’s well-being, the needs of her live-in caregivers and the maintenance and upkeep of her home, as well as writing the checks.
Veronica was impressively strong until last year, when things took a turn. She had dementia and mobility challenges and could no longer get out of bed unassisted, yet she could still pull out her mirror and put on lipstick until a few months ago. She was able to poke fun at me, so I knew the old Veronica was in there.
Her caregiver ensures Veronica’s daily needs are met. However, the decline in her health was rapid, so we had to make some decisions about her comfort, including installing a hospital bed and recliner in the first-floor living room. As the agent for the power of attorney, I am authorized to act on these purchases.
Still, I’m not authorized to make any medical decisions beyond arranging for a nurse to evaluate her. On Veronica’s 102nd birthday, this dear lady had no local family to help her engage a hospice provider. The health-care power of attorney, her 96-year-old brother, lives many hours away and was unable to quickly sign and get documents into the hands of the hospice provider to alleviate her suffering. All Veronica wanted for so many years was to die at home, but I couldn’t call an ambulance to take her to the hospital and put her in better hands. Veronica’s caregiver and brother insisted she stay in her home, not fully understanding that pain medication and palliative care would not contradict what Veronica’s DNR stipulated.
Let this serve as a wake-up call for all of us. Ultimately, preparing for the future is an act of profound love and consideration. Prepare your end-of-life documents, and make sure your proxy understands your wishes. It’s about taking control of your narrative and ensuring your final wishes are clearly understood and easily executable. Don’t wait for a crisis to prompt these important conversations and actions. Take the proactive step today to organize your affairs.
Pepper Evans works as an independent-living consultant, helping older adults age in place. She is the empty-nest mother of two adult daughters and has extensive personal and professional experience as a caregiver. She has worked as a researcher and editor for authors and filmmakers. She also puts her time and resources to use in the nonprofit sector and serves on the Board of Education in Lawrence Township, NJ.
